In the first days after a death, grief and a long list of tasks arrive together. It can feel like too much at once. I want to make it simpler.
Most of this does not have to happen today. Take it one step at a time, and lean on the people around you.
In the first hours
If the death happened at home and was expected, there is no need to rush or call 911. If hospice is involved, call them and they will guide the next steps. If it was unexpected, call 911.
You can take your time to sit with your loved one before anyone arrives. Many families find this quiet time deeply comforting. There is no clock on goodbye.
In the first day or two
- Contact a funeral home, crematory, or home-funeral guide to arrange care of the body.
- Tell close family and a few trusted friends, and let them help spread the word.
- Look for any written wishes about funeral, burial, or cremation.
- Care for pets and any dependents who need attention.
Let people bring food and run errands. Saying yes to help is not weakness. It lets others love you back.
In the first week
- Plan the service or gathering, in whatever form fits your family.
- Request several copies of the death certificate. You will need them for accounts and benefits.
- Begin to notify banks, insurance, and Social Security, but only as you have the energy.
The paperwork can wait a few days. It will still be there when you have rested.
Be gentle with grief
Grief takes time. Some days you will laugh at the memories, and other days you will ache at their absence. Both are okay, and you do not have to carry it alone.
If the tasks feel like too much, I can help you sort what is urgent from what can wait, and walk a few of these steps with you.
